It's been a little while since I've written here. I have many things to say however life gets busy and things happen that you don't expect and well you just end up not getting to it. Or you also have things to say that have nothing to do with the whole reason you finally started this thing in the first place.
So like I said, It's been a while!
People always tell you they will change. But not till they are losing everything they thought they would never lose. You see, sometimes what it takes to get people to realize the severity of the situation is to basically lose all. The problem is, sometimes this occurs too late because like in my own situation you wait and you wait and you wait for that right moment hoping that in the end you wont have to go through with it. And then when you do, it's a sad day for all including yourself because you prayed so much, tried so hard and did everything you possibly could to save the relationship. But no matter what you said or did or whatever, you just couldn't get through to that person and when only one person tries, you really just get no where.
Once it's said and done and that person realizes that you were serious, you never expect them to change. I mean people say that all the time but most every time in the end they change temporarily and then they go back to their old ways again before you know it or as soon as they have you back.
You know, I always wondered if I would ever meet someone who cared enough about me that they would chase after me if I left. The problem is, I never thought anyone would. I for sure never would have expected the one person who made it so clear they didn't like me from day one, would be that person to chase after me. The one person I didn't want to chase after me did. Now I can't say that this person did it because he cares. I mean we had a life together. 6 long years, one beautiful little girl and two children who have grown up thinking this man is their daddy. But this person did chase after me even though I didn't want him to. And he did say that he would change as people often say when they are losing everything they had. But would he really change, did he really change?
We moved back in together and still share a home. Just signed a new lease even because it was sign a lease or move and I just wasn't finding anything I wanted or that would work for us. Do I believe that he will or has changed? I can't really say at this point. But here's what I can say. I'm not the same person I was before. I will not put up with anything I do not have to. I am better than what he made me feel I was. I can take care of myself. I do not need him. And if he does even one thing wrong, he will be gone permanently. Now, what has he done since then? Well, he's changed. Will he stay changed? Only the future can tell. The difference between the past and now though is that I've learned from my experiences and he knows how serious I am. He knows that I WILL NOT put up with the way he was before. No one deserves to be treated that way and I will not allow it to happen again.
I cannot say that I still love him. I cannot say that I ever will again. But we can occupy the same space without fighting and actually do things with the kids that we couldn't do before. All I can do is take each day as is comes. Now does this mean that every other person out there should follow in my footsteps? No it does not. It just simply gives them a look into something real and how things can turn out. People can go through hell and come out better than they were before. People can change. And things will get better.
The important thing is to keep going. Never give up and learn from your experiences. Know that people make mistakes and don't always be so quick to give up because of it, instead work to fix it. Once you have exhausted all options then you do the one thing you don't want to do and that's let go. Even when it seems nothing will ever work for you. Look at me, every time something finally started to look up in the right direction, two or more bad things/set backs would occur in my life. It felt like a never ending ride where I was just stuck and could not get to where I needed to be. But look at me now. I'm going somewhere with my life and my kids are happy as am I. Good things do happen.
~Amanda Kay
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