I'm making changes in my life for the better for several reasons. One - for my kids as they only deserve the best. Two - because I'm tired of the negativity and what it does to me. Three - because I miss me and I'm ready to get her back. Four - because I much prefer happiness to misery. Five - because I'm going places with my life and family and I don't need anyone holding me back. The reasons go on. One should never have to dread going home each day or dread the fact that a weekend of approaching and even more so when the weekend ahead is 3 days versus the normal 2. One should not have to live in fear of the day that the one person they live with will snap on them. Or that their children will grow up seeing bad and feeling the negativity all the time.
The life I have lived the past 4 years is nothing like me. I'm one person when I'm not at home - the me I've always been. And then I'm someone else when I'm home - someone I dislike and would never choose to be. And so I started making changes all those months ago. Changes for the better. This year is going to be my year. Things are happening and falling into place. I'm not the same person I once was. I now what I deserve, I know what I want, and I will fight for my rights. I will not allow this to continue any longer. My search is proving difficult but I will succeed. I have friends and I have family and I have my three beautiful children and those things push me forward each and every day.
Sure it could have been worse. He could have physically abused me every day. But that does not make the verbal abuse and the few times he did get physical, any less painful or real or any easier to deal with. Abuse is abuse and no one should ever have to go through it. I often ask myself what I saw in him when I met him but then I look at how he is with other people. He's not the real him. He puts on a show for everyone. But behind closed doors, he's a monster who has done his best to ruin my life. But he will not succeed. I will stand tall and strong and I will get through this.
-Amanda Kay
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