That was the day it all changed. It's been 5 weeks since then and I honestly still feel lost in everything. He's done what I never imagined he would do. He's become the complete opposite of what he has ever been. He now takes me seriously, he knows I won't put up with anything from anyone any longer. And so I allow him to be around the children. He continues to prove himself but I can't help but wait for that moment when he will go back to his old ways. He's tried to change before in the past and never been successful. He's always said one thing and done another. But I try to give him the benefit of the doubt because I know he has a good person inside him. The only problem is...he's trying to win me back. I don't know how to tell him that it's not what I want any more. Sure I could continue on this way should he choose to be the way he is being now, but I would still never have my full happiness because I just want to be alone with my children. I can't see the feelings I once had coming back. I will always care for and about him, but I cannot say nor do I think I ever will love him again. It's just been too long of the way it was. A person gets hardened by that type of treatment.
I'm the type of person who loves people, loves being around others, love having friends, making friends and even having relationships with others. But at this point in my life...I just want to be me and my kids. And now I feel stuck. He's being good, I don't want to pay rent, but I don't want to be with him either. I just want to be happy. This is where you rely on God above to help guide you. That's where I'm at!
-Amanda Kay
No comments:
Post a Comment