The year 2004 was the year of my graduation from High School, the year I got married and the year I got pregnant with my first child. I love school! I went to a community college temporarily until there was an issue with my financial aid. I always wanted to continue my education but I wanted just as much to have a family. I always thought I'd get married once and have my family but boy was I wrong. But the end of the year I had met someone and was dating. My parents were planning to move out soon and the plan was always for me to stay where I was in this little hick town I grew up in though I much prefer the city. I had a life there, friends, great job, etc. But when I met this guy, my mom decided the plans needed to change because she didn't want me living there if I was dating someone. Crazy in my opinion because I could easily move into my own apartment or something and date if I wanted. But who could say no to free rent and I surely didn't want to lose my job I had had all those years.
So the dilemma I was given was get married or move with us. Now I hadn't been dating this guy for long so what could I really now about our relationship at this time. We really never even went on a date per say. But what decision did I make in order to have my freedom at the age of 18? Get married. So I got married a week later, December 19, 2004. That's also the night I got pregnant with my first child though I didn't know it for months because it was all new to me. I was super excited when I found out but totally afraid to tell my parents.
If you ask me now would I make the same decision again, I'd have to say yes because from it I have two beautiful children. But let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
With the pregnancy of course came morning sickness. I asked my boss for a week off and he refused stating "If I let you take time off then you wont want to come back!" How wrong was he in saying that! I loved my job and was working towards manager but with being pregnant and sick at that point, I just could not work at such speeds or around the raw chicken without getting sick. So what did I do? I quit. I hate being stuck at home not working but what could I do? I was going to end up hurt from passing out at work.
From there things were ok except that I was at home allot. I still took my best friend to work every day and picked him up in the middle of the night. That's what friends are for and he had always been there for me. A couple months after I quit though, he decided he was moving out to be with his girlfriend and I of course, pregnancy hormones running high was not happy because not only was a I losing my best friend but well, he left the room a complete mess and who had to clean it? I did. Just like I had to mow the yard in 100 degree weather and the grass 3 feet tall because my husband stated the lawnmower didn't work. Yes it did. I have to say, with being newly married, I didn't think much about him being lazy sometimes and I having to do things myself. Nor did I complain when he wrecked my car and then proceeding to wreck the truck we bought him, we being my parents and I.So then I was stuck without transportation while pregnant meaning my parents had to drive and hour to get me and take me an hour even further to my doctors appointment. That's what ya get living in the country. So what did we decided to do? We moved!
We moved to the city, about 15 minutes from my parents new home. I liked it there, could walk to the store daily. I love walking! It was awesome! I walked everywhere. Didn't need a car except for doctor visits. Which by the way I didn't change doctors because being about 9 months along, no new doctor is going to take you on. We just scheduled to be induced and the problem was solved. About this time my parents bought me a used car to get around so everything was going great, other than we were still not well financially because my husband couldn't keep a job. This was another thing I didn't let bother me at the time. I just kept getting him a new job. Yes I got him his jobs. Lucky for me, he was smart enough to play along when the company called before I could tell him I applied for it.
So our daughter was born in September. Exactly 9 months from the day we got married. September 19, 2005. Beautiful little girl. 7 pounds 13 1/2 ounces and 21 inches long. She had practically no hair but what she had was red. Now she's a blonde. I remember people chasing us through the store to tell us how beautiful she was and that she should be in the Gerber commercials. But good luck getting on those. You have to just happen to find the right agency they use. My daughter had the biggest blue eyes ever and still does. She still hardly has hair as well. But anyways, I can talk more about my kids in future posts. For now I'm trying to get every thing else out there. Get all the bad out of the way and then talk freely of all the good.
So, with this new job, my husband was gone allot. He was doing great with keeping the job to be honest and I don't remember exactly what happened with the job. I just remember the last time I remember him working for them, he went out of town and came back having only made about $300. When he went out of town, he would always bring home $2000. So this was a big difference and he simply said, they didn't have much work. But this company does not send you out of town for no work. So our problems began. I'm not going to lie though, I had my own share of wrong doings, but we both were the cause of our failed marriage which literally disintegrated after the birth of my cousins little boy. You see, my cousin came to stay with us while pregnant. We were to get custody of her unborn child. My cousin is a real bad girl! So you can imagine the influence she is to someone close to her when that person is already struggling in her marriage and life. Didn't do anything really bad, just had too much fun. Took advantage of the husband. He was home being lazy, might as well make him watch the kids right! So six months later we move to an even bigger apartment. Which by the way during this time we moved from our house, to a one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom apartment and now were moving to a three bedroom apartment and my best friend was moving in with us as well. Our daughters were going to grow up together seeing as to how even though we moved so far apart we got pregnant at the same time. Plus this would help out on bills tremendously.
So we moved. And yet again I did most the work myself. And while pregnant because what do you know, we just found out we were expecting again. A few weeks into the new apartment and the little boy I had raised for 6 months was being sent to Mexico. Turns out you can't do background checks on people in Mexico and so his dad got him though not a suitable parent. So my cousin went with him in effort to be with her son. Then my best friend moved because her baby daddy wanted them back. And then...my husband "went out of town for work." Later than night, I got a phone call stating "I went to my dads in Austin and I'm not coming back. I didn't really go to work." So 8 weeks pregnant, raising a 1 1/2 year old, everyone just left me including my husband, my world was falling apart and to top it off, I lost my job.
From there I literally went downhill. My daughter was terrified of all men. Would scream bloody murder at even a hello from some grandpa at the store. I wasn't taking care of myself well either. I was on the verge of depression when I met the man in my life now. I have to say, I was thankful for him. He changed my view and helped me through everything. And then I moved in with my grandmother in Dallas where I stayed until January 2008.
During those three years, I had good times and bad times and when I look back now I feel like, it only made me stronger and more of who I am today, but it sure was hard. I had a husband who was lazy and then abandoned me and our two children. My precious little boy was taken away to Mexico, taking my cousin with him. And my best friend was pulled away too. I was all alone until I met him.
My husband kept in touch a little those first six months with our daughter but stopped calling so much after he had her one weekend and brought her back sick and dehydrated. At this point, my new man was there for us. And of course my grandmother who also helped me apply for assistance to get a divorce. Unfortunately my husband decided to apply himself though he didn't qualify, making me inelligible. So I paid for it myself $100 at a time with my unemployment money as no one would hire me while pregnant. But I let life go on and didn't let anything slow me down.
-Amanda Kay
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